Things Magnus Must Never Do Again
by Black Winged Detective
Summary: Chapter one and two is the list that the TMI gang made after noticing Magnus's antics the rest are what happen when he breaks them
1. Chapter 1

This list was made by Jace, Clary, Alec, Isabelle and Simon. If they are not uphold they shall take all his glitter and clothes away from him and make him where a plain old boring suit instead.

1. Magnus cannot cast fire spells in Central Park just to test how many Mundanes have sight.

2. Magnus cannot dye the Silent Brothers cloak's electric pink and call in an 'Improvement'

3. Magnus is not Merlin therefore he cannot tell little children he is as it will rise confusion in their history lessons.

4. Magnus must never eat fairy food at his party and misplace Simon for Alec. Mostly because Simon does not appreciate Magnus kissing him.

5. Magnus must never be dared to spike peoples drinks because he will do that and it always has dreadful consequences.

6. Magnus shall never again give anyone a makeover whilst they are asleep.

7. Clary does not need fashion help. So when Isabel tells Magnus to reorganise Clary's wardrobe he must not do so.

8. Magnus must not play charades, karaoke or scrabble. As no one wants another domestic between Alec and Magnus.

9. Magnus must not drink fizzy pop before his turn to speak in a Clave meeting as belching at the beginning of speech does not appease the Clave.

10. Magnus cannot dress up Chairman Meow in a sumo wrestling suit as that is breaking his agreement with ASPCA


	2. Chapter 2

11. Magnus is not Satan's best friend. There for Satan doesn't owe Magnus anything not even a tea pot.

12. It is cruel to swap Alec's tea for beer even though Alec is gullible when he is drunk.

13. Church and Chairman Meow are not going to start a family therefore it is wrong for Magnus to force them together.

14. Magnus must never buy a puppy again...

15. Simon came out to his mother and sister about the fact that he is a vampier not that he is gay. So it is cruel for Magnus to say other wise if he sees Simon with a hot girl his age.

16. Jonathan will kill Magnus if he sends any more flowery Valentine cards to him.

17. Magnus must not try to release Luke into the wild woods of Canada.

18. Magnus is not allowed to call Clary or Isabelle by the name Buffy the vampier slayer.

19. Magnus must not make people he dislikes into mice then allow Chairman Meow to eat them as it does rise suspicion when most the Council goes missing.

20. Last of all Magnus is not Jesus's evil twin brother and it wrong for him to change how the bible was written.


	3. Chapter 3

1. Magnus cannot cast fire spells in Central Park just to test how many Mundanes have sight.

Standing on a green bench smiling to himself was Magnus Bane. A troublesome teenage Warlock with bright red eyes sat next to Magnus with a note pad on his lap and pen in his hand. He had olive skin and golden blonde hair that could even put Jace into shame. They were going to do a little mischievous experiment of New York's citizens. On the note pad was a small table one column named 'amount of citizens with sight' and the other was named 'the number of citizens without Sight.'

"How many people are in the area, Mitchell?" Magnus asked as he pulled off his leather gloves. His companion named Mitchell closed his red eyes them flashed them open when he had sensed every person in a 50 metre radius. Mitchell's eyes seemed to look like circular flames when he looked up at Magnus. "132" he answered with a smirk on his lips. Magnus cracked his knuckles and watched as green flames danced gracefully around his fingers. They weaved in and out not burning his skin. "Pick an animal Mitchell" Magnus suggested. Mitchell thought for a moment then came up with one of the most feared animals in the world. "A lion make sure it roars"

"Fine" The green flames twisted into the air then made the face of a fierce lion that looked too real for comfort. It's mouth opened and let out a large roar that chilled the hearts of the Mundanes with sight. Some mundanes stopped and looked up in fear other dismissed it due to its glamour. Mitchell counted those who had seen and those who hadn't. "24 people have sight and the rest are blinded from it Mundanes. I was the closest. I win, pay up." Mitchell held out his olive tonned hand and Magnus reluctantly placed twenty dollars in Mitchell's palm. 'Hello boys. What has the Brotherhood told you about casting spells in public as a bet' A male voice spoke in their heads as an inked hands grasped their shoulders. Mitchell swore in American, Magnus swore in Dutch. "That it's a great idea and we should do it more often." Murmured Mitchell as he looked up and the Silent Brother trying to pull of the most innocent face that he could manage. 'Wrong.'


	4. Chapter 4

2. Magnus cannot dye the Silent Brothers cloak's electric pink and call in an 'Improvement'

Dear Magnus Bane,

We are writing to you as we suspect you may have dyed our cloaks electric pink after yesterday's argument with Brother Tomis. In this argument it is noted that you threatened to dye our cloaks. So with this evidence we are charging you on one account of vandaltion and one account of verbal harassment. This is only a perlimary warning but if you do so again to insult the brotherhood we will strip you of your magic for six weeks.

Yours sincerely, Brother Scott

PS: you will be reserving a bill of 39 dollars to pay for cleaning our cloaks.


	5. Chapter 5

3. Magnus is not Merlin therefore he cannot tell little children he is as it will rise confusion in their history lessons.

Magnus sat idly on the outside steps of New Yorks library. Every minute or so he would look at his watch. As usual Alec was extremely late with coming back from a rouge vampier hunt. The idea of a tracking spell had come to his mind but he had dismissed that as just an act of boyfriend stalking. Time passed until Magnus had become extremely inpatient. He boredom took the next level as the second hand on his watch passed twelve once more. "Mr? Mr?" Asked a small eight year old boy as he tapped Magnus on the shoulder. His hair was almost as orange as a tangerine. His face was ghostly pale with freckles spotted all across his cheeks. "Are you a Muggle or a Wizard? For I am Donald Mallory the most skilled wizard in Griffindor. I make Dumdledore look like a guy in a old folks home. I make Voldemort look like a stupid version of Slenderman and I make Harry Potter just look like a kid sat in A and E because some senior stuffed him in a locker" He announced with a massive grin on his face. Magnus smirked he loved messing with kids minds especially if they had Sight and liked The Harry Potter series.

"Well humble Donald Mallroy, I am Merlin the saviour of Arthur Pendragon and Albion, the king of all wizards."

Donald's mouth fell open in utter amazement. His blue eyes opened up widely. He was trully believeing Magnus's cruel lie. "Really? Your...your the dude that put excalibur in that stone thingy. Your so awesome. I thought you were just a legend. So that's your real name Merlin, I mean?"

"No good sir my true name his Magnus it means big in the Latin dialect" Magnus whispered aloud. Donald smiled wildly then bowed to Magnus in a calm manner. "My father teaches that language at the university. He's tutoring a student in the libary now. In fact I'll go get him. That'll make him believe him about me seeing those pixie ladies in the park with their pink eyes." Donald ran up the steps. Magnus thought for a moment to stop the young lad then spotted his lover coming up the steps with a black eye.


	6. Chapter 6

4. Magnus must never eat fairy food at his party and misplace Simon for Alec. Mostly because Simon does not appreciate Magnus kissing him.

Once again it Chairman Meows birthday. This time Magnus had chosen to host his party at a Hotel in Brooklyn that was owned by a couple of Fairies who he was on good terms with. The food had been set out in the far corner going from fairy food too blood for the vampiers too raw meat for the werewolves and some warlocks then finally it ended at human party food.

"Try this it's great." A mischievous fairy told Magnus as her fair hand held out a peach. Her midnight blue hair was twisted into a bun by tangles of thorns. Her wings were like the ones of a Blue Morpho butterfly. Magnus gave a questionable look as he weighed the peach in his hands. "Oh, it's not drugged my friend said it was from the human section. It tastes great. I've never had human stuff before. Try it please" The fairy gave a wide eyed look at Magnus with her electric blues eyes. Magnus rolled his eyes at the young fairy then raised it too his mouth hopping it wasn't any drugged by fairy dust. His mouth opened as he rised it to his lips. His sharp cat like teeth sank through the weak skin of the peach. The fairy smiled in a mischievous manner them turned on her heels towards her group of friends who began to congratulate her. But it was too late Magnus had already swallowed the juice of the drugged peach. He knew this all a bit of fun but he knew he would regret being so gullible in the morning.

His eyes widened in a disturbing way. His pupils shifted in size. His whole vision became distorted. The feeling of vertigo filled his disorientated mind. His hand opened up sending the peach to the ground. Magnus stumbled forwards as he tried to walk to the food table. He needed to drink a very strong liquor to counteract this hallucinogen. On seeing his friend stumble to the ground like a puppy stood on ice Simon went to lift Magnus from his heap on the floor. No one else had noticed but Simon's enhanced hearing had picked up the whole convosation between Magnus and the develish little fairy with the thorns tangled in her hair.

After lifting Magnus to his feet Simon stood in front of his friend and looked him in eyes to check what fairy drug had been used. Magnus however, did not see the face of one of his friends. Instead he saw the face of his lover Alec. Magnus reached out and stroked Simon's face. Taken by surprise Simon stepped back. But this high intoxicated warlock was not giving in to his dilutions that easily. Magnus grabbed Simon's chin and kissed his on the cheek. A deep warning hiss slipped from Simon's throat as he moved back. In fear intoxicated Magnus gained a slow grasp on reality. Simon turned angrily to the fairy muttering curses under his breath showing off his pitch black eyes and bared fangs. "I hope you lunatics can run faster than a angry straight vampier" He growled


	7. Chapter 7

5. Magnus must never be dared to spike peoples drinks because he will do that and it always has dreadful consequences.

With a quick slip of his skinny wrist, Magnus Bane quickly poured in a shimmering dark blue powder into an suspecting vampire's drink. The drink was still in the pale hand's of the vampire who was in deep convocation with a pixie. So deep the vampier was in convocation that he didn't notice a flare of blue light go off as the powder mixed in the cocktail. Magnus grinned at the werewolf next to him who was still sipping at his own drink that was clean of all possible spikes. It was all a dare of courage and drunkness. The powder was a powerful warlock drug that the some of the young members of werewolf pack had sneaked in after their trip too China to see some "friends". The vampire suddenly breathed in deeply threw his nose. "I haven't smelt that in decades. Someone must be in need of a nap. I do believe I can smell Kùn Yī the warlock knock out drug from Beijing" The vampire declared in a British accent that could put David Cameron to shame. His hair was as brown as damp soil yet his eyes were bright blue with an explosion of yellow in the middle caused by Sectorial Hetrochromia. The pixie ignored the vampires odd words and twisted a piece of the curly blonde hair around her fingers as she looked him up and down.

"You kinda cute considering your from the Victorian times." she mused. The vampire smirked then took and long gulp of his cocktail. The colour of his eyes darkened. "I'm just going to head off. I need some blood" The vampire rose to his feet and walked out. In an instant the pixie glared an evil look at the Magnus and the young werewolf who were struggling to act casual. "I had him waiting on my every need then you imbeciles go screw it up with you stupid chinese drugs." She growled at them.

A minute passed and it soon became apprent that all the vampires had left the building with tired expressions. There were loud bangs and crashed from outside. Almost every young werewolf in the room laughed in synchronisation with one another. Magnus's smile dropped as a swear word from his Dutch vocabulary came in to mind. "You haven't have you?" The pixie said with nothing but an aggressive look about her. "Yes, yes we have. I guessing we just destroyed fourteen flying motorbikes and there's sixteen vampiers lying down the road outside fast asleep. Alright lads bring them in and start making pieces of art. I hope we all have our permanent marker pens, loo roll, crazy string and make that we have stolen from the girl's?" the werewolf declared as he watch all the werewolves go outside to bring in the sleeping vampires for their extreme makeovers.


	8. Chapter 8

6. Magnus shall never again give anyone a makeover whilst they are asleep.

Slowly Jace rolled out of his bed onto his feet. His grey T-shirt was creased and his hair was ruffled, sticking up in different places. After a quick shake of his head his blond locks fell back into their correct position. Someone suddenly kicked open his door. Stood in the doorway was none other than Magnus Bane holding a digital camera to his face. Behind him was Alec and Isabelle who were both sniggering in mocking tones. "What's so funny?" Jace asked. It was Isabelle who piped up. She sucked in a few breaths of air then breathed out so she could catch back what breath she had lost in her laughing fit. "Have you been trying out my make up again?" She asked with another snigger. Jace thought back to the night before. It had been Alec's birthday party but he couldn't quite remember making it too his room of falling asleep. The last memory he had was of having a convocation with Luke about their favourite hunting weapons. The rest was a blur.

Jace rubbed his eye of sleep only to find no sleep when he looked. Instead he found a black and white smear on his hands. In an instant Jace had pushed past Magnus and had run to the bathroom. When he looked in the mirror he didn't find his usual dashing looks. Instead he found himself with a sheet white face with a black rectangle going across his eyes and nose. Not only did he look like a Rock school throw out but he also looked like a OTT super fan of Black Veil Brides or Adam And The Ants. Both of which he had seen posters of in Magnus's apartment. A loud cry of extreme anger came from his mouth. "Your dead Magnus Bane!"

"I'm actually immortal but say what you want!" Magnus called back as he looked at the photo he had taken of Jace's new look.

Jace washed his face of the make up like it was filth then casually walked back into the corridor. At first he looked like he had taken the joke but at the last moment he broke into a long stride and rugby tackled Magnus to the ground. With Magnus pinned down beneath him, he raised his fist in front of Magnus's cat eyes. "Delete the photos, Magnus or I shall break your nose so badly that you'll look bog eyed and trust me I've had practice with this technique since I could walk and talk."

Magnus gulped. "You know your just like Will Herondale only your less black sheep and he knew what I could do." In a flash of light Magnus disappeared into thin air. Jace got up rubbing his knees and looked around in blinded daze. "Alec do me a favour and punch your boyfriend dead on in the face next time you see him"


End file.
